The difference between an excuse and a reason is often a matter of perspective.
When I feel safe enough to approach someone with curiosity and empathy, I’m more likely to hear reasons.
When I feel threatened and I (maybe unconsciously) feel I need to protect myself, I’m more likely to hear excuses.
I often feel the need to understand the why behind someone’s actions so I can understand where I stand with them and to feel safe again.
For me, it’s not just about what a person did or said.
It’s about their intention.
Did they mean to hurt me?
Did they mean to care for me?
Understanding intention helps me decide if I can trust them, if the relationship is still safe; and noticing if their presence brings peace or pain.
Empathy doesn’t erase accountability.
It simply opens the door to clarity, and maybe even healing.
Do you relate to this? Or is your experience of reasons and excuses different?
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