I decided to write this blog post about books that have helped me on my journey of self-discovery, self-love, and self-healing. Although this may sound like a personal story, I believe that in life nothing is ever only for one person. How I treat and see myself affects how I see and treat others; and the same is true in the opposite direction.
Visually, this feels like yin and yang to me. When I treat myself with kindness, it becomes easier to treat others with kindness. When I treat others with kindness, it becomes easier to offer that same kindness to myself. It’s like ripples moving both outwards and inwards at the same time.
The same is true for anger. When I am angry with myself, that energy moves outward into my relationships. And when I am angry with others, it comes back inward too. Because of this, the books I have read haven’t just shaped me; they have also influenced the people around me.
My life purpose has always been love and connection. I’ve always felt a deep pull toward self-healing and supporting the healing of others. In this post, I’m sharing what has helped me find my way toward being "okay".
For me, that has included counselling, meditation, yoga, reiki, and books (audiobooks or physical books or both depending on my need). On their own, none of these were enough to help me fully understand what life is about or what might be possible for me. Together, though, they formed layers of understanding. Over time, as I learn more, these layers slowly connect and begin to create a fuller picture of what truly matters in my life.
As these layers integrate, I feel safer and more grounded in the knowing they offer. This is simply how it has been for me so far. It doesn’t mean it will be the same for you. But I want to offer the possibility that you may have your own unique layers of knowledge — different things you need to understand and integrate — in order to heal and thrive.
The books shared here are linked in a way that may offer me a small commission if you choose to purchase through them, at no additional cost to you. I share this openly and with care. I’m learning how to create more stability in my life while continuing to walk a path rooted in love, healing, and connection. If you feel called to support my work in this way, please know it is received with deep gratitude; and if not, the sharing is still freely given.
Books I recommend around supporting children
These books may be helpful for anyone who has children, cares for children, wants to understand children better, or is interested in understanding their own inner child more deeply.
Dibs: In Search of Self – Virginia Axline
This book was recommended reading when I was studying counselling. It’s a true story of counselling sessions between a young child and his counsellor. When Dibs begins counselling, he is mostly non-verbal, doesn’t interact with others at school, and is seen as having limited abilities. His teachers believe he lacks mental capacity.
It’s important to note that this is a very old book, and some of the language doesn’t align with today’s values. However, the message behind the words is incredibly powerful.
When I was learning to be a counsellor, this book helped me understand the “code” of how safety, acceptance, and genuine understanding can allow positive psychological change to happen. I experienced this book as deeply moving and very tender. It showed me how counselling can be profoundly helpful, even when the client’s wider environment doesn’t change for the better. Also, as a parent, it helped me see what I may be able to do differently to support my children in a way that is more aligned with their needs.
Why Love Matters: How Love Shapes a Baby’s Brain – Sue Gerhardt
This book was both beautiful and challenging for me to read. I often had to pause to process the information and allow it time to settle. I believe it would be a valuable read for parents, and for anyone thinking about having children.
At the same time, I think it is important to approach this book with kindness towards yourself. We cannot do things differently in the past when we did not yet know differently. When understanding grows, change becomes possible — if and when we feel ready for it.
One of the parts that affected me most was learning how a baby, even while still in the womb, is already beginning to experience the world through the emotional state of the mother. When a mother is under stress, the baby can experience this too, and may begin preparing for a world that feels stressful or unsafe.
For many mothers, however, stress during pregnancy was not something they could simply choose to change. Some may not even have recognised their stress, particularly if living with stress had long felt normal. This is why self-compassion is so important when reading material like this. The aim is not blame but understanding.
It can also be difficult to support our children when we do not yet understand ourselves. Often, we struggle to recognise emotions in our children because we have not learned to recognise them in ourselves. If I am not aware that I am stressed, it becomes much harder to notice or respond to stress in my child. I may feel frustrated or angry, especially if I am continuing to cope despite struggling internally and wonder why my child cannot do the same.
Self-compassion and self-kindness are therefore an important place to begin. Sometimes we start by offering these to ourselves so that we can more easily offer them to our children. Our emotional states influence those around us, and when we learn to respond to ourselves with understanding rather than criticism, this often shapes the emotional environment our children grow up within.
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